at last, i can just be.
AFFIRMING, EMPOWERING THERAPY FOR HIGH-ACHIEVING FOLKS caught between self-protection and genuine connection
A gradual, QUIET FRACTURING
I work with high-performing adults who learned how to make meals out of crumbs. If this is you, you might have survived by hiding away different parts of yourself that were made to feel unwelcome or burdensome. You figured out how to stay safe in oppressive systems by performing stability and perfection. Your emotional landscape has well-worn grooves from the unyielding pressure to manage your life in the “right” way. You plan 10 steps ahead, anticipate other people’s needs, and protect against vulnerabilities. You are determined to need as little as possible. From the outside, you seem steady and calm. The quiet spaces beneath the surface reveal just how unseen, depleted, and disconnected you really feel. When you meet the reality of your suffering, you feel frozen between reaching out and pulling inward.
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what's in the way is the way
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• what's in the way is the way •
HI, I’M LUCA (THEY/HE).
I’m a queer, trans, mixed race Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based on stolen Lisjan Ohlone land, colonially known as Oakland, CA.
My practice supports over-functioning adults stuck in cycles of overwhelm, perfectionism, and shame. Through a combination of relational psychodynamic therapy, somatic therapy, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, I can help you honor the experiences that led you to take on so much responsibility and grieve the ways it has limited your ability to be present and connected. Together we can relax the inner critic that tells you what to do and how to be, soothe anxieties about “getting it wrong," restore intuitive connection with your body, and cultivate mutually loving and supportive relationships.
There is deep wisdom in getting as far as you have the ways that you have. In partnership with your internal strengths, I work with you to deepen understanding about the experiences that shaped you and help you create a greater sense of choice about how you want to move forward. Slowing down enough to take an honest assessment of how you want to live your life can empower you to move from being in a constricted, overwhelmed state to embodying the balanced, cohesive, and meaningful life that you want.
EXPANDING OUTWARD
You might start therapy with something specific you want to focus on, such as a relational concern, major life change, or identity crisis. You might not know exactly where you want to start but you know that something needs to change on a fundamental level. My approach as an in-depth psychodynamic therapist means that wherever we start, we are likely to uncover the deeper emotions and drives beneath the surface—always with safety, trust, and permission. Sometimes this means returning to issues that you thought were long resolved, only to find lingering wounds that emerge in your present life. It can also mean deepening awareness about something that appears clear at first glance but contains threads to your personal and collective history that are surprising. This deeper work allows for a more holistic, expansive approach to healing that goes beyond awareness and helps you create lasting change so that you can live your life in the way that feels most true to who you are.
OFFERINGS
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INDIVIDUAL THERAPY
I provide therapy for high-performing adults whose inner accelerators are running on fumes. They are overwhelmed, overburdened, and over it. Within this context, a variety of other concerns might arise, such as anxiety and depression, significant life transitions, interpersonal conflict, grief and loss, and explorations of sexuality and gender identity.
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1:1 RELATIONSHIP THERAPY
My 1:1 relationship therapy is for over-functioners looking to feel greater calm, confidence, and agency in their relationships. I can help you identify your sensitivities, set appropriate boundaries, engage in healthy conflict, clarify expectations of yourself and others in relationships, and clearly communicate unmet emotional needs.
Please note that this is different than couples therapy, in that I only work with individuals.
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GENDER AFFIRMING THERAPY
Gender affirming therapy is for anyone starting the process of intentionally and mindfully exploring their gender identity, and for people who feel clear in their gender identity but want to further explore how their gender intersects with other parts of their lives and identities.
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IFS THERAPY
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapy model based on the idea that we are all made up of parts that help us move through the world. IFS honors the ways in which parts have tried tirelessly to protect us, and seeks to liberate parts from roles and responsibilities that they may no longer want to carry. As an IFS practitioner, I help you make space for your different parts while facilitating integration and cohesion.
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SOMATIC THERAPY
I use somatic approaches to help people reconnect with their bodies. When our most precious qualities are repeatedly criticized, attacked, or made invisible, our inherent ability to connect with our emotions and sensations gets disrupted. Through focusing and deepening into your felt sense of being, I can help you feel your way through your emotions without distraction, defensiveness, and dissociation.
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EMDR THERAPY
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a model that uses the brain’s natural capacity to heal trauma. People who undergo EMDR therapy commonly report that their trauma feels like something that happened to them in the past, as opposed to something that continues to happen within them over and over again. I use a combination of somatic approaches and Internal Family Systems (IFS) when doing EMDR in order to provide comprehensive healing.
WHO I WORK WITH
Queer, trans, BIPOC, and mixed race folks seeking to reclaim their sense of identity and agency outside of cultural and legacy burdens
Neurodivergent folks who feel exhausted from masking and want to embody more of their authentic selves
Newly chronically ill and disabled folks who are adjusting to needing more support than they feel comfortable expressing
High-achieving professionals who want more ease and choice about how they navigate responsibilities
People finding their way through body liberation who want to cultivate a more compassionate relationship with their bodies
Children of immigrants who want to feel more flexibility about how they navigate inherited trauma and expected roles
I work well with people who are self-reflective and curious about themselves. They notice that there’s something off in their lives and feel motivated to explore what’s going on; they turn toward the concern and want to understand it better. While I do work with people who are new to therapy, most of my clients have some experience of therapy and are open to challenging themselves to go deeper.
MY APPROACH
My style is collaborative, thoughtful, and warm. I am emotionally engaged, offering compassionate reflections and informed insights based on what I’m hearing and sensing from you. In our therapy, I center trust and safety so that you know I am here with you at your own pace; there is no pressure for you to move faster or toward any particular outcome-based destination.
Informed by my own experiences as a racialized, disabled, queer & trans person, I have a deep capacity for complexity and view your own history as central to the healing work. I hold your story with respect and care.
My commitment to working with multiply marginalized people has offered me the gift of having nearly a decade of experience supporting clients who are queer, trans, BIPOC, mixed race, neurodivergent, chronically ill, disabled, fat, and/or children of immigrants.
UNBURDEN YOURSELF
By exploring your past, you can:
Understand what parts of you were hidden away or neglected
Understand confusing and/or harmful patterns that impact how you relate to yourself and others
Develop compassion for the ways you learned to survive
Identify unresolved emotional conflicts that inform current challenges
By slowing down TO YOUR body’S desired PACE, you can:
Notice and be with your emotions, even the ones that feel “negative,” “bad,” “dangerous,” or “unhealthy”
Calm the parts of you that feel anxious and on edge
Increase self-trust and intuition
Learn how to regulate your nervous system
By releasing PRESCRIPTIVE narratives ABOUT THE “right” way to be, you can:
Feel more free to be who you actually are
Set boundaries with confidence and integrity
Balance self-reliance with requests for help
Identify areas of your life where you need more structural support (think: daily, sustainable accommodations)
Liberate yourself from shame
Reclaim your sense of identity, agency, and power
Improve the quality of your relationships
Build an empowered, balanced, and aligned sense of who you are and how you want to live your life
“AND IT’S INSIDE MYSELF THAT I MUST CREATE SOMEONE WHO WILL UNDERSTAND.”
Clarice Lispector
