INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS (IFS) THERAPY
learn to embrace every part of you—even the ones you deem frustrating, scary, and confusing.
all parts are welcome
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is about meeting our parts with openness and compassion. With warmth and respect, we create relationships with parts where they can feel seen, understood, and supported. We learn about how they came to be and what they do for us. What facilitates this connection is our inherent capacity to be kind, compassionate, and present with ourselves and others.
We connect with our parts to see what they need in order to heal, allowing them to release what they no longer want to carry. IFS is an opportunity for every wounded part of you to be witnessed in their suffering, reclaim what they once lost, and restore their sense of freedom.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY PARTS?
Just like the creatures that make up an ecosystem, our parts have distinct thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. We often casually talk about our parts, like “a part of me wants to quit my job, and a part of me wants to stay.”
Or, more specifically, we might have a part that feels anxious in unfamiliar social situations, a part that gets angry when it witnesses injustices, and a part that becomes agitated and critical when things aren’t perfect.
We can also have creative, flamboyant, funny, spontaneous, spiritual, adventurous, and playful parts. We can have parts that work together, like a time manager part and a spreadsheet wizard part. We can have parts in opposition, such as a part that wants things to change and a part that wants things to stay the same.
By connecting with our parts more intentionally, we can better understand why they do what they do, explore how they got their roles and responsibilities, and work with them to resolve internal emotional conflicts. This allows us to move from self-blame to self-compassion, from restriction to flexibility.
every part has good intentions
Each part is doing its best to help in the way that it knows how. Our parts work diligently to prevent future harm or distract from intense pain. They have picked up lessons from the outside world about how to do their jobs; while the way they help isn’t always beneficial, they represent wise adaptations to the realities in our environments.
When we can recognize how our parts try to take care of us, we can embrace more compassion, openness, and curiosity. For those of us who learned to suppress, judge, or force our parts to change, we can notice a profound difference in how we treat ourselves through this process.
“It isn't that you're flawed because of what happened, it's that you're hurt.”
Natalie Y. Gutiérrez
IFS AND THE BODY
IFS is an inherently somatic practice. In IFS, we accept that parts can and do express themselves through the body. We can notice and feel our parts as bodily sensations, such as an anxious part that causes stomachaches or panic attacks, or a part that feels too exposed and takes us out of the moment through dissociation.
We also have parts that react to body sensations. For example, parts can feel frustrated, sad, betrayed, and helpless in response to chronic pain or illness. Parts might also want to urgently fix or distract from pain.
Together, I invite you to notice sensations that may or may not be connected to a part. We can work with parts to not overwhelm our bodies without shaming them for wanting to do so. By including the body, we give parts a chance to show us their full selves.
move slower to go farther
When we are taught to urgently fix, to rush to avoid discomfort, to abandon ourselves in the service of stability and perfection, we might feel unsure or scared at the idea of meeting what’s underneath. The parts of us that want to heal might come in with some intensity—I need to figure this out now. I have to get it together so that people don’t see that I’m struggling. I still need to appear and feel in control. Sometimes our parts chase the breakthrough. They feel skeptical about the process. They groan at what it takes to heal on a deeper level.
I respect and honor these parts of you. By making space for these parts and building trust, I invite them to experience what it’s like to not have to manage so much anymore. If there’s any part of you that feels a sense of relief at the thought of that, then IFS therapy might be a good fit.
IFS CAN HELP YOU:
Distinguish thoughts, feelings, and beliefs held by parts (as opposed to set definitions of who you are)
Soothe emotional triggers
Relax feelings of urgency and the need to “fix” things
Calm inner critics and parts that use shame as motivation
Clarify internal conflict when parts of you feel at odds
Feel more flexible with your choices
Release unrealistic or harmful narratives held about yourself (I am unlovable, I am unworthy, I am bad)
Transform patterns of response that no longer work for you (people-pleasing, perfectionism, peacekeeping, freezing, shutting down)
Restore qualities of yourself that were exiled due to experiences of rejection, criticism, humiliation, and neglect
Decrease bodily tension by creating more internal harmony
Deepen relationships by being able to show up wholly
Cultivate self-leadership
Accept the gifts that parts have to offer
Increase trust in your ability to lead your life in the ways that feel right for you
FOR QUEER & TRANS FOLKS
IFS is an approach that has room for all the parts of you that you learned to hide or discard in order to stay safe. For us queer and trans folks, we are intimately familiar with needing to protect ourselves. IFS recognizes that there are outside forces—both systemic and interpersonal—that might hurt us no matter how much we work with our parts. We cannot promise to prevent harm from ever happening again, but we work to build internal trust so that when we do get hurt, we are able to meet our hurt parts with love, compassion, and acceptance. We can honor the pain without trying to change it or our parts.
As your therapist, I can help you reintegrate wounded parts in a way that feels empowering and harmonious, allowing you to return home to yourself even in the face of ongoing institutional violence.
