INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS (IFS) THERAPY
learn to BALANCE AND embrace all the different parts of you
WHAT IS IFS?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an empowering, non-pathologizing approach that normalizes multiplicity as a universal aspect of the human experience. In IFS, we seek to understand the different parts of us that play a role in how we live our lives. We also aim to connect with our inherent capacity to be kind, compassionate, and present with ourselves and others; we refer to this as the Self in IFS, which can also be thought of as the version of yourself wherein you feel the most grounded, loving, connected, and/or curious—the You-est You.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY PARTS?
Just like the creatures that make up an ecosystem, we are all made up of different parts that have distinct thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. We often casually talk about our parts, like “a part of me felt this way, but another part of me felt this way.” A common example is: “a part of me wants to quit my job, and a part of me wants to stay.” Or, more specifically, we might have a part that feels anxious in unfamiliar social situations, a part that gets angry when it witnesses injustices, and a part that becomes agitated and critical when things aren’t perfect. We can also have creative, flamboyant, funny, spiritual, spontaneous, adventurous, and playful parts. We can have parts in opposition, such as a part that wants things to change and a part that wants things to stay the same.
All of our parts help us navigate the ins and outs of this life; they do their best to keep us safe. The way that they do this can be imperfect, in that our parts sometimes do not know that the way that they’re trying to help may cause more tension inside and out. For instance, a part that tries to help by organizing the kitchen cabinet for 3 hours might not realize that you were supposed to be the door an hour ago. Another part might then feel frustrated, criticizing you for not managing your time. By connecting with these parts more intentionally, we can better understand why they do what they do and work with them to resolve these internal conflicts.
EVERY PART HAS GOOD INTENTIONS
A central principle that makes IFS so non-pathologizing is the belief that every part has good intentions. In IFS, we believe that each part is doing its best to help in the way that it knows how. Often, they are trying to prevent harm or distract from intense pain. We believe and acknowledge that our parts have picked up lessons along the way from the outside world about how to do their jobs. When we can recognize how our parts are trying to help, we can often access more compassion, openness, and curiosity to get to know them better.
“It isn't that you're flawed because of what happened, it's that you're hurt.”
Natalie Y. Gutiérrez
IFS THERAPY CAN HELP YOU:
Identify distinct thoughts, feelings, and beliefs
Relax feelings of urgency and the need to “fix” things quickly
Clarify internal conflict when parts of you feel at odds
Feel more flexible with your choices
Release unrealistic or harmful narratives we hold about ourselves (e.g., “I am unlovable,” “I am unworthy,” “I am bad”)
Increase self-compassion
Decrease bodily tension by creating more internal harmony
Decrease emotional shutdowns or freezes
Improve relationships by being able to show up fully and not hide away parts of yourself
Understand the gifts that parts have to offer
Increase trust in your ability to lead your life in the ways that feel right for you
IFS AND THE BODY
IFS is an inherently somatic practice. In IFS, we accept that parts can and do express themselves through the body. We can notice and feel our parts as bodily sensations, such as a part that holds anxiety and causes stomachaches or panic attacks, or a part that feels exposed and takes us out of the moment through dissociation. We also have parts that respond to body sensations. For example, there are parts that can feel frustrated, sad, and helpless in reaction to chronic pain. There are parts that might want to immediately fix or distract from pain. By including the body in our process of getting to know parts, we give parts a chance to show us their full selves.
FOR QUEER & TRANS FOLKS
IFS is an approach that has room for all the parts of you that you learned to hide or discard in order to stay safe. Through working together, I can help you reintegrate these parts in a way that feels empowering and harmonious, allowing you to return home to yourself.
